Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
