Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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