i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
