I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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