I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
