enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize