so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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