I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
