Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
