If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Panties = found
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
