literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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