his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
