using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
