What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
