Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
