Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
