Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
