when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
