Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize