She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
