i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
