i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When did angry sex become our thing?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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