If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
