My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
