I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
