I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
