so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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