it wasn't lemon gatorade
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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