i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize