I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
