hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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