How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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