Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize