Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Ladies don't puke and tell
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
