already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
