Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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