my mouth tastes like poor choices
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
