Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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