The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
