i jhust puked up my retainher.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
