thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize