Define "chronic" masturbator.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
