Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
