wakey wakey hands off snakey
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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