I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
