I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
