We won't sleep together?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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