Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
