checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
MIDGETS
????
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
