Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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