Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
