I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
