my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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