She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
