I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
