I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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