why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
