Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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