she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
