he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
