I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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