Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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