i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
