Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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