her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
