boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
it was like eating out sand paper
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
