Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
