I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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