Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
