i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize