just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
