dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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