i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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