A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize