How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
