i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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