OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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