If that was your dad, he is hot
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
