More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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