he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
