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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain

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• (951): View more from California

  apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!

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• (408): View more from California

  I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.

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• (607): View more from New York

  If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking

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• (801): View more from Utah

  I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.

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