somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
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