Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
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