I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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