if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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