Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
