the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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