he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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