blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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