My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
