Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
