I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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