i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
