if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize