I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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