chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
