I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
