You can't motorboat a personality
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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