i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
