32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
