"it" just moved
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just had sex bonerless
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize