Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
