I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize