I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
