i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
