Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
