Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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