i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You may now shotgun with the bride
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
